Two Babies, One Hilarious Story
In my previous blog post, I promised to tell a funny story from 22 years ago so here goes …
It’s 12:30 am on September 12, 2001, and Tammy wakes me up. Her water has broken and it’s time to meet Shaun. So we got gathered up and made the 45-minute trek to Tyler with labor coming on SUPER fast. This was our third child so we had a pretty good idea of what labor was like and Tammy assured me the baby was coming sooner rather than later.
We arrived at the hospital almost new parents already. At the nurse’s station, we assured the nurse that the baby was about to be born right then and right there if they didn’t get us to a room FAST! Unfortunately, the nurse was not interested in our input and continued to drag her feet, irritating us and bringing us ever closer to an imminent birth on the nurse’s station desk!
Finally, she walked us all the way down the hall to the furthest room possible (no exaggeration), placed Tammy in the bed, and started to leave. I stopped her and asked if they were going to check her dilation status. Begrudgingly she rolled her eyes dismissively and did the exam, thinking surely she would tell us we were hours away and to calm down.
Instead, her eyes grew to the size of pomagranites as she discovered we were dilated to a 9 already! After a flurry of activity, people running into the room, supplies being ripped open and thrown about, Shaun made his debut before the doctor even got her gown on! But that’s not the funny part …
After a little while and things had a chance to calm down, we entered that span of time between the birth of a child and glorious discharge home. During this time the nursing staff typically checks on you and the baby, makes sure feeding is taking place, etc. This time is normally filled with joyful exchanges, smiling nurses, and generally wonderful times, and it was except for one small difference; the nurses were acting very strangely towards ME!
When they would come in to check on Tammy and Shaun they would be all smiles and full of warmth, until they looked at me. That’s when I got the icy stares, furrowed brows, and cold shoulders. We had no idea what was going on.
At some point I left the room to go get a snack and as soon as I left, a nurse came in behind me, closed the door and said with a very serious tone, “Mrs. Parker, we need to talk.”
“I don’t normally get involved in things like this, “ she continued, “but there is something we really need you to know. We think you need to know that two days ago your husband was in here with another woman and she was also having a baby!
I wish I could have seen Tammy’s face as this news spilled out all over the room. It would have been more priceless than all the riches of the entire world.
Tammy then explained that no, it wasn’t me, but that my brother and his wife had been in two days ago having my niece, Tabby. the issue was that me and my brother look ALOT alike. Both redheads, similar build, similar voice patterns, you name it. In fact, it isn’t the first time this has happened to either of us. I’ve been given a full run down on his kids by total strangers and he’s been asked about my family at basketball games. We have learned to just play along. Bu this time, this time it was different. It was hilarious.
I returned from getting my snack shortly after the revelation that I was, in fact, NOT a biligimist with multiple wives and children. For the rest of our stay there the nursing staff treated me like royalty. I wanted for nothing and enjoyed a bottomless cup of coffee.
